0
0 In Uncategorized

Humorous Quotations – part 2

…continued

21 An optimist is a man who starts a crossword puzzle with a fountain pen.

22 I’m an optimist, but I’m an optimist who carries a raincoat. – Harold Wilson

23 The optimist proclaims that we live n the best of all possible worlds; the pessimist fears that is true. – James Branch Cabell

24 God answered prayers of paralyzed little boy “No” said God.

25 There are times when I think that the reading I have done in the past has had no effect except to cloud my mind and make me indecisive. – Robertson Davies

26 A bookworm in bed with a new novel and a good reading lamp is as much prepared for pleasure as a pretty girl at a college dance. – Phyllis McGinley

27 People say that life is the thing, but I prefer reading. – Logan Pearsall Smith

28 All religions are the same: basically guilt, with different holidays. – Cathy Ladman

29 Oh Charles, a woman wants certain things. She needs to be loved, wanted, cherished, sought after, wooed, flattered, cosseted, pampered. She needs sympathy, affection, devotion, understanding, tenderness, infatuation, adulation, idolatry – that isn’t much to ask Charles. – Barry Took

30 The Russian Police have a Missing Persons Department. That’s where they decide which persons are going to go missing. – Yakov Smirnoff

31 Silence is the best substitut for brains ever invented. – Henry Fountain Ashurst

32 Christ died for our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them? Jules Feiffer

33 Questions for a Single Man
What if I never find the right person for me?
Would it help if I stuck my head out of my apartment window and screamed “I’m desperate!”
Why are women so impressed who are gainfully employed?
What if I get rejected and I die from the humiliation?
What f I meet a woman who doesn’t understand my deep need to watch hour after hour of professional sport on TV?
How come I can’t have exactly what I want without obligation?
What if the right person for me turns out to be someone I don’t want?

Questions for a Single Woman
Does wondering if you are desperate mean you are desperate?
Could my answering machine e broken?
How could he back out when I had our lives planned out down to the last detail?
Even though he was negative, controlling, unsupportive, and abusive, why do I miss that darling man so much?
Can you ever feel enough self-doubt?
Why did the last stupid jerk I did not like, stop calling me? – Matt Groening

34 The amount of sleep required by the average person is about five minutes more. Max Kaufmann

35 They say if you smoke you knock off ten years. But it’s the last ten. What do you miss? The drooling years? – John Mendoza

36 It’s raining cats and dogs! I know, I just stepped into a poodle.

37 …why haven’t women got labels on their forehead saying “Danger: Government Health Warning: women can seriously damage your brains, genitals, current account, confidence, razor blades and good standing among your friends. – Jeffrey Bernard

38 Men don’t know much about women. We do know when they are happy, we know when they are crying and we know when they are pissed off. We just don’t now in which order these are going to come to us. – Evan Davis

39 If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman around him, is he still wrong? – Jerry Dennis

40 Changeable women are more endurable than monotonous ones. They are sometimes murdered but seldom deserted. – George Bernard Shaw

You Might Also Like

No Comments

Leave a Reply